Happiness

What do you know? Happiness is IN! How do I know this? From a November 27, 2008 New York Times article about a convention on happiness in San Francisco. Philosophers, scientists, psychologists, Buddhists, even CEO’s had flown from all over the country for the sole purpose of discussing the science of happiness (eudaemonia is the ancient Greek word in case you want to show off!). “Happiness has become a booming international business, which began in 2006 in Sydney, Australia,” read the article, “and has since exploded throughout the world, bringing forth a proliferation of books, scholarly papers and university courses.”

A booming international BUSINESS! A business? Happiness? From my ninety view, happiness has been around since?. . .since. . ? certainly since that revered Jeffersonian Document about our right to its pursuit back in the 1700s! No matter. I’m not about to quibble. My newly-married grandson and wife sent me a memorable wedding display photography book in addition to a book written back in 2002 by one Martin E.P. Seligman, PhD on Authentic Happiness. Authentic?” “Business?” “Our Right?” Does it matter? What does matter to me since that’s where I am, is how, here in America, right now, budget-conscious, over 75’s can achieve happiness.

Not long ago, I did read, published in 2008 by Eric Weiner, The Geography of Bliss, I unhesitatingly commend to your attention. Weiner raised the point that countries where people are most happy are those where there is strong community support for young and old; no burdening fears about losing all one’s savings due to costly sickness since health care is taken over by the government; no

In America, however, for low income old, the cost of illness is so staggering many forgo doctor visits and cannot afford needed medication. With few friends still living, with family either non-existent or far away, well, quite honestly, the old have a hard time adjusting, particularly since the United States is so zeroed in on youth. How can they find happiness? The TIMES article, as well as most books I have read, do not do research specifically on the old and their happiness.

This leads me to call attention to Native Americans who revere and respect their elders, take special care of them, making sure they remain a part of the family, treating them not as irritating, boring, over-long-lived but as precisely what the old actually are, wise, reasonable men and women who can and do bring richness, understanding and joy to younger lives. It is inherent in the culture of Native Americans. In the main, these elders are happy. From my limited experience, I sense people of color are also attuned to caring and respecting their parents, their older relatives. Why is it not so among many American Caucasians?

Why instead, do they shunt their elders into Independent Living centers or leave them to manage alone, satisfying guilt by phone calls and rare visits? It is a puzzlement. It is as if their old suddenly became pariahs to those very children to whom they once gave their entire being. Their own lives and fortunes do not include aid to needing parents. The force of this attitude becomes so persuasive that we ancient whities fall into the trap, go to any length to avoid “imposing, being a nuisance.” That’s why these centers have burgeoned. The good ones are expensive, beyond the reach of poor old. Yet many young today (it was not so two generations back) see no reason to “put up” with ailing parents. This dismissive behavior is not even regarded as inappropriate. Writing this makes me uncomfortable since I know there are those who do care for their elders; build additions to their homes, make room or arrange for them to be housed nearby..

But alas, there are still far too many who ignore or refuse to acknowledge the wisdom, elegance, and fun the old can add to their lives -- given a chance. Do they not realize the old are their history, their past, like the photo albums in a closet, in that old chest in the attic, even the bookcase in the living room? Not just their past, but their future!

What are poor, even middle-class old to do; particularly now that, due to computers and other devious mechanical devices to which none of us are heir, they have become separated from life, unable to step into an almost foreign world of which they were once an integral part. How may these frightened, fragile, frugal old be happy?

We come face to face with an earlier blog of mine, “what is, is!” I am not sure why I, for example, ended up in this discomforting spot, but I am in it, in it, let me make certain you understand not because of uncaring children and grandchildren, merely the force of circumstances. I cannot change my situation, therefore must do something about myself. I have no good answer. All I know for sure, I am here, period, or more accurately, exclamation point!

Back to what is, is! I am trying hard to make that “is” a happy is; am trying to practice the happiness methods the studies above conclude as the best way to be happy. Though the studies are not directed toward old people they make equal sense for old: (1) become involved in an activity that absorbs you; (2) do what you can to help others.

Easy to say, right? Now explain how to accomplish this. And, of course, I can’t. I can only tell you what I am doing. For one, I have prolonged my meditation time, continue yoga, albeit a shorter, more gentle yoga, try to visit home-bound friends, and, though this may shock you, ask for or take from others whatever they offer.

I am learning not to be afraid to ask for help, learning that when people want to treat me, to be unashamedly delighted, even considering it my due. To the embarrassment of grandchildren, I never fail to ask for a senior discount. You will be astonished at how often it works. It’s all tied up in that “how”: how you ask, how you accept, i.e., a friend recently did a minor re-construction job in my office. When I asked what I owed he said: “No one ninety or over should have to pay for anything.”

“What a great idea,” I answered enthusiastically, “can you convince everybody of that fact?”

I have many causes, as my blog readers know, but even I cannot take up that cause. We ended with an equally agreeable financial solution. I bring it up, though, to prove my point: those who have lived to a ripe old age (oh, I’d say, 78 and up. What’s your number?) are entitled to entitlements and we ripe old agers should make an attempt, at least, to seek every possible advantage we can; ask for and receive without embarrassment!

This in turn brings me back to what is, is! I am not about to kill myself though I think about it, especially when the pain consumes me. Don’t most old feel the same? (I would appreciate feedback on this.) My life is increasingly limiting. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, wishing life had not turned out this way I try to recall the good parts past and the good parts remaining, for wishing or not, life has turned out this way. Complaint endears me to no one, especially not to myself.

This blog, courtesy of Grandson Zachary who started it all, has made a big difference. Though I still haven’t the slightest idea what a blog is, it absorbs me, distancing the anguish. Zachary has told me I have received over 25,000 responses from the world over. I cannot read them all, of course, but those that come on my email have been thoughtful, appreciative, and fill me with gratitude. Being absorbed in such an activity accomplishes wonders on the road to happiness, and certainly tosses out self-pity. I urge others to become involved, seriously involved in any activity. I don’t know, just think of something that you really like to do, silly or not, do it.

It is not easy. A single, poor, ailing old woman is not everyone’s cup of tea. The answer is to let go of ego. Take what we can from what is with us here and now. I don’t know about you, but I grow frustrated some times at the way people behave, at what I think as rude, unkind or thoughtless and maybe it is, but if I let go of ego, stop judging, the despair lessens. I urge everyone, young, old, rich, poor healthy, sick: recognize that no one has it all regardless of health, wealth, power; No One, be it Bill Gates, Barak Obama, or the Queen of England.

I am working on my ego through increased meditation, yoga, the blog, serving others. I am working on finding a support system. Easy? Of course not! Worth it? Absolutely! Good luck to you. Bless you. May you reach the serenity towards which I am working, working enough so that I can say, yes, I am happy a major part of the time!

Get to it. Good luck.

At Ninety-Two

This is the work of Leah Wood, 92+, my friend since our (alas) defunct Margaret Johnson Writers Group days. A gem, do you not agree. I am honored to have it in my blog.

At Ninety-Two

Plastic lens replaced cataracts,
hearing aid for ear.
I dose my thinning bones
with Miacalcin up my nose,
while Advair assists asthmatic lungs,
Glucosamine arthritic joints.

A nuclear pill burned out
overactive thyroid
which Levothyroxin compensates.
I still have enough working teeth!

Along the way I lost a gall bladder.
Then conveniently, the one operation
deducted an appendix.
My body shrank, too,
so my skin no longer fits.
Most missed, the way I used to walk!
But still, on unassisted legs
that can move to T'ai Chi
My aged brain gropes for words, names. . .

But! No diminishment
of adventure in books, films,
living, learning, and the joy
of special and expanding dears.
Nature, in her wisom
replenishes my soul,
making me ready for whatever's next.

Montpelier, 2008

COMPARISONS - IF I HAD ONLY

A moment ago, where I am happily here in Salt Lake City, Utah, my hostess handed me a Thanksgiving Zen Story. The timing was perfect for I had begun the above titled blog while still in Burlington, Vermont. I will not write the entire story since it is not important in this context. What is important is the message Zen Master Sono taught her students (rich-poor, sick-healthy, in distress or satisfied) to adopt an affirmation to be said many times a day, under all conditions. The affirmation was, Thank you for everything. I have no complaint whatsoever."

That's one big mouthful, and from the story apparently many a student was disappointed and went away not at all pleased. Those who adopted her mantra, or affirmation, practicing it all through their day, found peace and healing.

Once more, I say that's one big mouthful, particularly during this Season of let's be Jolly and Peace on Earth. Jolly? with financial disaster looming everywhere one looks , and war or conflict a daily offering in newspapers, radio, television, Face Book, ipod, or whatever the names of these new (to old-fashioned, me remembering when the telephone and radio had just come into existence!) inventions are!

Repeating that affirming mantra coincides with my thoughts about making comparisons or constantly iterating if I had only. The former is positive, the latter negative. I am certain no one, no! one! Not Billionaire Buffet, not super-star Cruise, not universally adored Winfrey! They would be the first to admit that there are times when they complained or were equally guilty of saying an "if I had only!".

There is a cliche: "Were we each to throw our troubles into one enormous pot then given the opportunity to select others that appear less loathsome we would end up with our own." Like many cliches, this on's true. Fame, fortune, power, stardom, all are accompanied by pain, suffering and up-to-the-elbows hard work! I know this from reading (a passion of mine) biographies or autobiographies. I know it from having -ever so luckily-contented friends -and family.

Nothing came easily to any of them yet they all are living successful ,on their terms, lives. Of course the word success has different meanings for different people. It need not include national or international acclaim. I have known such scintillating stars and heard their complaints about the painful price accompanying fame, have head them negatively comparing, muttering " if I had onlie" to themselves. They may not have repeated Zen Master Sono's mantra but certainly told themselves something akin to it. (As for my family, I'm going to ask them one day).

Many of these miracle mortals were born with good genes, but then again, think of those we have read about who were born with disastrous physical drawbacks yet with grit and guts attained heights far outdistancing healthier compatriots.

I'm not sure my writing and your reading this helps you or me personally. I woke up this morning in a lot of pain that took my medications longer than usual to work. I lay in bed all grumbling comparisons, and "if I had only-ing" until tears came to my eyes. It's great to read about these individuals who are able to practice what I'm so smugly here preaching . Yet again, as I type these words I know I will begin to practice Thank you for everything. I have no complaint whatsoever. What have we got to lose! Remember the play Peter Pan? Remember Mary Martin (at least the version I saw) flying about the room urging "happier thoughts, Michael" so he too could fly?

If we go in for "happier thoughts" we will not figuratively fly but we will fly in our spirits. It is a known medical fact that when we smile whether feeling good or not, the mere physical fact of moving our lips into smile lines good feelings literally trigger something in our brains that brings happy feelings. The same with laughter. The act of laughing in and of itself creates all manner of good feelings. One has no time for complaining or if I had Only-ing. Try it. You may feel silly, but it works.

After ninety years of living I know whereof I speak. And just the fact that despite my having awoken feeling more pain than usual despite the meds, despite my going upstairs to breakfast and seeing how beautiful is the home of my hosts compared to mine, I took the trouble to make myself smile, went to the mirror and faked a laugh, bingo!!! it worked. I felt considerably improved. Then, before beginning this blog I silently said Thank you for everything. I have no complaint whatsoever."

Guess what!

WATER

Last night I attended a delicious pre-holiday party. At one point, I went to the bathroom. Our hosts had a toilet with two flushes, infinitesimal and full steam ahead. Would that all toilets were so installed! It should become a national issue.

American’s disregard for precious water should not be tolerated. There is no doubt in my mind, if we continue this way, within twenty or so years, we will have a national drought I guess I am glad to be as old as I am. I am sad that my off spring, all three generations of them will not be that lucky. Several years ago I remember saying, “Remember as little kids we would start ‘digging a hole to China’? Well, it wouldn’t surprise me at all if the Bush Crowd had already dug such a hole to assure their water supply.” Such precautions, however, will be useless, for the masses, without water who will storm the barricades with their own Bastille Revolution. We can go without everything except water.

Old time Vermonters remember the expression: “Yellow is mellow; brown flush it down!” If we do not have toilets as above, that is the principle every single individual should practice today, right now, and every day thereafter. The same procedure can be established at public toilets. It should not embarrass you if you are leaving the yellow mellow for the next person. Au contraire, you should be proud of yourself for caring for the planet in this small way!

When washing dishes, do not keep the water running! Wash them in a large pan. Then take them out and rinse them using as little water as possible. When you brush your teeth you should follow the same ritual. Wet the brush. Turn off the water. Brush your teeth. Turn on the water and rinse.

As for dishwashers, there could not be a more flagrant waste of water! Those using such a method should make a point of filling the dishwasher to its ultimate capacity. Too many run the machine with only a few dishes. Another tip re energy conservation, you do not need to utilize the drying period. The water is sufficiently hot, as is the inside of the machine, so that the dishes and silverware will dry quite satisfactorily, thank you!

You may have noticed my writing tends to run toward exclamation points. This is so I know because these writings tend to be subjects that demand exclamations. When it comes to conserving water, I feel like filling the entire page with exclamation points. We are careless and arrogant, actually, about our ignorance regarding the water supply. Last year, residents of the South remember well the scarcity, the difficulty, the pain they underwent when water became a mere dribble. I would be interested to know how those same men, women, children are doing now; if their habits have altered.

Which brings me round to lawns: I have friends in Utah where water is customarily in short supply. Their beautiful plot of ground is handsomely landscaped with bushes, plants, trees that do not demand watering whereas neighbors seem to believe a large grassy lawn is more chic, more attractive. Utter nonsense! I visit these friends yearly. I have been there when drought warnings are issued regularly on radio and television, yet we walk the neighborhood to find sprinklers going all over. Shame, shame! Yet they feel no shame, believing the green lawn is a sign of elegance. It is a sign of opulent disregard for Mother Nature and her –so far- generous gift of water! Mark my words, not much longer!

The same disregard for water occurs in restaurants and bars. It would be a great idea if the employees thought about the water they use when wiping up or dispensing ice. I remember long ago, when we went to restaurants water was not automatically produced on the table. We certainly need to drink it regularly as do we need to wash our hands. However, we can pour only as much as we will drink. We can wash our hands, as with the dishes, without letting the water run. Wash without running the water, then rinse after washing, exclamation point!

Americans are obsessed with cleanliness. If each of us diligently takes that one small step, just like the importance of just one vote, the results may literally be your, our survival or your, our demise. I’m not just whistling Dixie, kids. I could not be more deadly serious. Think about it.

Let's hear it for the railroads!

My View From Ninety today, raises an outcry at our United States Public (so-called) Transportation System, or all too accurately, lack thereof! For decades car manufacturers and oil cartels, slowly and seditiously have taken over public transportation with arrogant disregard for the welfare of either our citizenry or our planet. Almost entirely disregarding the environmentally sound, quieter, safer, certainly more reliable railroads that once made travel a total pleasure. Not only could we get from state to state, city to city, but small town to even smaller one. All now gone. Did nobody notice? We became so obsessed with the automobile and airplane that we failed to heed the steady, subtle erosion of more comfortable, affordable, ecologically sensible railroad, once part and parcel of life in these United States.

How come it is different in Europe, Asia, Africa! Why haven't the citizenry taken arms against this problem? As a child I remember the guileless delight I had as I boarded the train from our home in the village of Tarrytown, New York heading for that mighty metropolis, Manhattan! I remember the peace of the gentle-rocking in a parlor car as I slept safe and sound while we sped to Portland, Maine. Nor did it stop there. Chicago, San Francisco! Oh the joy of riding cross country on the 20th Century Limited! Is there anyone any longer who even remembers the 20th Century Limited, or for that matter the trains that chugged from Newport to Orleans, Vermont!

What has become of our free and independent nation that we have permitted these rights to vanish without rising in tempestuous protest! How Alemming@ have we become to allow such disintegration to subsume the quality of our lives!

Granted, our largest cities maintain reliable public transportation. But what about smaller ones such as Burlington! Submissive lambs-to-slaughter, we grudgingly accommodate ourselves to air travel despite it's growing more and more costly with increasing disregard for passenger comfort. Isn't it time for us to straighten up and fly right! But no, the airlines do not straighten up nor fly right! We are shunted into bigger, more crowded planes at higher prices while schedules grow more unreliable, with unapologetic delays and even occasional bumping.

Why do we permit this! What has turned our spunky selves into submissive sheep! There was a time in Vermont when trains chugged from town to town once a day. Less than twenty years past buses, at least, ran between Newport and Burlington. Aren=t Vermonters humiliated that they cannot get from Montpelier, our State Capitol for heavens sake, to Burlington, our biggest city except by car or one bus a day!

But back to the railroad!. Why can I not see friends in Portland, Maine (much less Portland, Oregon) unless I fly? Why, for that matter, can I not even get to Oregon except by airplane instead of the long-ago civilized train complete with dining service and comfortable sleeping arrangements! Even the bus service from Burlington to Manhattan has not only been curtailed and re-routed to include the smallest of towns making it an interminably long drive, yet the price has increased. When are we going to join the rest of the world by reinstating train travel!

Over a year ago France inaugurated a super speed train from Paris to Marseilles that makes the trip in less time than it takes The Vermonter to reach Manhattan from Essex Junction. In Europe there are trains, boats, all manner of clean, comfortable, reliable ways to reach remote villages no matter how hidden, high or sparsely populated. In Japan it is national policy that if a train is more than 20 minutes late the traveler retrieves the cost of the ticket!

Isn't it time we demand improved public transportation? We know the environmental disaster cars cause. We know we want our green state to remain, yea grow, greener. And here's an idea whose time should come: expand the ferry system to include water travel to Canada and Lake Champlain ports! Talk about seducing tourists! Wow! And Holy Cow! Allow your mind to run over the bonanza benefits accrued were we to establish eco-friendly train, boat, and bus service in this glorious state. Already I see the masses of leaf peepers, snow boarders, lilac lovers, fisher people in frenzied fury fighting for entry into our singular countryside Electrifying is the beauty in our state, sometimes beauty beyond bearing. We want to keep that beauty? Am I an impossible 90 dreamer! Can I not manifest a multitude to stamp feet, pound tables in such effective numbers that trains abound! Vermont is the place to start. Here where, in the main, we are almost smug about our congressional legislators with intelligence, courage and farsightedness. Legislators who give us hope. Can we not rally them round to reestablishing a state-wide, at least, railroad system!

Let's hear it for the railroads!

If you wish to learn more about my philosophy check out my book Yoga In The Morning, Martini at Night or The First Three-Score and Ten are the Hardest, available at Amazon.com.

Do Not Look Back

Rumi, world-renown 13th C Persian poet philosopher and teacher wrote: “Do not look back, my friend. No one knows how the world ever began. Do not fear the future. Nothing lasts forever. If you dwell on the past or the future, you will miss the moment.”

Pain had been consuming me for weeks. Consumed by the pain, I became a complaining, unhappy old lady. A friend from the west sent me a card and the above poem. Of course I was happy to receive her message, greatly touched. I shared its message with others, then came up short; those in their mid-seventies and under thanked me, asked me to repeat so they could write it down, or asked me to email them a copy. Those closing in on 80 and up, however, came back at me: “What’s so good about the moment? My trouble is the moment. Why do I want it? What’s wrong with remembering the past when I wasn’t in pain, wasn’t taking pills, wasn’t helpless” and on and on they went as I reluctantly found myself nodding in agreement.

Back in my youthful 70s and yoga-teaching days, I ended each class with a prayer of my own devising and the exclamation as we stood and raised our arms: “Old Is Magnificent!” I do not feel magnificent today. I feel lousy. I have grown brittle, tire easily, hear poorly, no longer see that well, find little joy in eating. I, once was absorbed with good cooking and good food, see no way out of the problem. I am alone, living almost exclusively on Social Security. A comparative new comer to Burlington, there is little continuity in my life or companionship from a shared past. What few friends I had have either died or left the area. There is no family nearby. What’s more, I find Vermonters, I regret to say, do not reach out easily to a single, old woman. Younger people, with energy and ability to participate actively are more readily embraced. With public transportation almost an impossibility, without a car and limited walking capacity, it is difficult to take oneself to events of interest, particularly in bad weather. I do not pass judgment merely state a fact. Each of us justifiably becomes embroiled in our own lives, families, problems, parties. It is hard to keep up ones own obligations without taking on someone’s else, especially an old someone else.

Back to Rumi and missing the moment!

Unable to take a sleeping pill since the doctor had ordered only one a night, I was restlessly tossing and groaning in exasperation and self-pity when, for no reason I can think of, up came the Rumi poem. Also up came my former bitter thoughts as I muttered a disgruntled “Sure, sure! Missing the moment am I? Do I give a damn about the moment! What’s to like about it! I know too well what I can do with this kind of moment going on, well yes, moment after moment placing me smack into the Who Needs It Division!

Then I sat up straight in bed, yes, I actually did just that, to exclaim “But this is the moment and it’s all I have.” I can want it to change, I can hope it will change but it doesn’t change and I cannot expect help from others. Already my children and grandchildren –plus caring friends– have given their best efforts. Sure, they, too would like it to be different, would like to help more, but they cannot. It just is.

And, bingo, it came to me there in my bed on that dark early morning, in that silent room the words and thoughts I have been uttering for years now to my yoga classes: “It is not how expertly you perform the postures that matters. What matters is the attention you pay, the effort you exert, the concentration and recognition of practice in and of itself is enough. That’s all of it. That’s the moment, the moment you are not missing.”

Bringing me back to my Bingo Moment: I cannot change the situation. I can, however, change myself. I can realign my concentration, my yoga practice --bad as it now is. The result is both elegantly dramatic and frighteningly traumatic. I want to talk about it to see if I can bring you into this new, self-healing realm.

I still hurt like the very hell. I haven’t grown a whit sprier, no, nothing has changed except my reaction. It has made such a difference I want to share it with you , explain how it is being a frail, ragged, aching nonagenarian with not a single recourse except my own, very private heart and mind set.

Much as I want, I cannot evade a decision; Either I re-evaluate my sense of self, or continue wallowing in grief and despair dragging friends and family with me. I have decided to seize the moment, to turn it into not exactly one continuously blooming rose garden but at least into an occasional, sweet-smelling rose.

Will you join me?

To All Who Wrote in to Me...

I am grateful beyond measure for the responses I am receiving from The View From Ninety. They are too numerous for me in my fragile health to answer individually, though I would certainly like to. Some of them have cheered me enormously, particularly those writing of how they will call or visit their grandparents. Those that mention changes in attitude toward older men and women.

I have spinal stenosis. It is difficult to sit too long at the computer. Thus I write this blog to all to say sincerely and simply: "May your know joy, deep-down, uninhibited joy; May you have the courage to do and the courage to be that which you want to do, that which you want to be; my your spirits find peace and your hearts practice compassion. This is the wish I extend to each and every one of you."

Please be sure to check back soon for more entries.