What do you know? Happiness is IN! How do I know this? From a November 27, 2008 New York Times article about a convention on happiness in San Francisco. Philosophers, scientists, psychologists, Buddhists, even CEO’s had flown from all over the country for the sole purpose of discussing the science of happiness (eudaemonia is the ancient Greek word in case you want to show off!). “Happiness has become a booming international business, which began in 2006 in Sydney, Australia,” read the article, “and has since exploded throughout the world, bringing forth a proliferation of books, scholarly papers and university courses.”
A booming international BUSINESS! A business? Happiness? From my ninety view, happiness has been around since?. . .since. . ? certainly since that revered Jeffersonian Document about our right to its pursuit back in the 1700s! No matter. I’m not about to quibble. My newly-married grandson and wife sent me a memorable wedding display photography book in addition to a book written back in 2002 by one Martin E.P. Seligman, PhD on Authentic Happiness. Authentic?” “Business?” “Our Right?” Does it matter? What does matter to me since that’s where I am, is how, here in America, right now, budget-conscious, over 75’s can achieve happiness.
Not long ago, I did read, published in 2008 by Eric Weiner, The Geography of Bliss, I unhesitatingly commend to your attention. Weiner raised the point that countries where people are most happy are those where there is strong community support for young and old; no burdening fears about losing all one’s savings due to costly sickness since health care is taken over by the government; no
In America, however, for low income old, the cost of illness is so staggering many forgo doctor visits and cannot afford needed medication. With few friends still living, with family either non-existent or far away, well, quite honestly, the old have a hard time adjusting, particularly since the United States is so zeroed in on youth. How can they find happiness? The TIMES article, as well as most books I have read, do not do research specifically on the old and their happiness.
This leads me to call attention to Native Americans who revere and respect their elders, take special care of them, making sure they remain a part of the family, treating them not as irritating, boring, over-long-lived but as precisely what the old actually are, wise, reasonable men and women who can and do bring richness, understanding and joy to younger lives. It is inherent in the culture of Native Americans. In the main, these elders are happy. From my limited experience, I sense people of color are also attuned to caring and respecting their parents, their older relatives. Why is it not so among many American Caucasians?
Why instead, do they shunt their elders into Independent Living centers or leave them to manage alone, satisfying guilt by phone calls and rare visits? It is a puzzlement. It is as if their old suddenly became pariahs to those very children to whom they once gave their entire being. Their own lives and fortunes do not include aid to needing parents. The force of this attitude becomes so persuasive that we ancient whities fall into the trap, go to any length to avoid “imposing, being a nuisance.” That’s why these centers have burgeoned. The good ones are expensive, beyond the reach of poor old. Yet many young today (it was not so two generations back) see no reason to “put up” with ailing parents. This dismissive behavior is not even regarded as inappropriate. Writing this makes me uncomfortable since I know there are those who do care for their elders; build additions to their homes, make room or arrange for them to be housed nearby..
But alas, there are still far too many who ignore or refuse to acknowledge the wisdom, elegance, and fun the old can add to their lives -- given a chance. Do they not realize the old are their history, their past, like the photo albums in a closet, in that old chest in the attic, even the bookcase in the living room? Not just their past, but their future!
What are poor, even middle-class old to do; particularly now that, due to computers and other devious mechanical devices to which none of us are heir, they have become separated from life, unable to step into an almost foreign world of which they were once an integral part. How may these frightened, fragile, frugal old be happy?
We come face to face with an earlier blog of mine, “what is, is!” I am not sure why I, for example, ended up in this discomforting spot, but I am in it, in it, let me make certain you understand not because of uncaring children and grandchildren, merely the force of circumstances. I cannot change my situation, therefore must do something about myself. I have no good answer. All I know for sure, I am here, period, or more accurately, exclamation point!
Back to what is, is! I am trying hard to make that “is” a happy is; am trying to practice the happiness methods the studies above conclude as the best way to be happy. Though the studies are not directed toward old people they make equal sense for old: (1) become involved in an activity that absorbs you; (2) do what you can to help others.
Easy to say, right? Now explain how to accomplish this. And, of course, I can’t. I can only tell you what I am doing. For one, I have prolonged my meditation time, continue yoga, albeit a shorter, more gentle yoga, try to visit home-bound friends, and, though this may shock you, ask for or take from others whatever they offer.
I am learning not to be afraid to ask for help, learning that when people want to treat me, to be unashamedly delighted, even considering it my due. To the embarrassment of grandchildren, I never fail to ask for a senior discount. You will be astonished at how often it works. It’s all tied up in that “how”: how you ask, how you accept, i.e., a friend recently did a minor re-construction job in my office. When I asked what I owed he said: “No one ninety or over should have to pay for anything.”
“What a great idea,” I answered enthusiastically, “can you convince everybody of that fact?”
I have many causes, as my blog readers know, but even I cannot take up that cause. We ended with an equally agreeable financial solution. I bring it up, though, to prove my point: those who have lived to a ripe old age (oh, I’d say, 78 and up. What’s your number?) are entitled to entitlements and we ripe old agers should make an attempt, at least, to seek every possible advantage we can; ask for and receive without embarrassment!
This in turn brings me back to what is, is! I am not about to kill myself though I think about it, especially when the pain consumes me. Don’t most old feel the same? (I would appreciate feedback on this.) My life is increasingly limiting. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, wishing life had not turned out this way I try to recall the good parts past and the good parts remaining, for wishing or not, life has turned out this way. Complaint endears me to no one, especially not to myself.
This blog, courtesy of Grandson Zachary who started it all, has made a big difference. Though I still haven’t the slightest idea what a blog is, it absorbs me, distancing the anguish. Zachary has told me I have received over 25,000 responses from the world over. I cannot read them all, of course, but those that come on my email have been thoughtful, appreciative, and fill me with gratitude. Being absorbed in such an activity accomplishes wonders on the road to happiness, and certainly tosses out self-pity. I urge others to become involved, seriously involved in any activity. I don’t know, just think of something that you really like to do, silly or not, do it.
It is not easy. A single, poor, ailing old woman is not everyone’s cup of tea. The answer is to let go of ego. Take what we can from what is with us here and now. I don’t know about you, but I grow frustrated some times at the way people behave, at what I think as rude, unkind or thoughtless and maybe it is, but if I let go of ego, stop judging, the despair lessens. I urge everyone, young, old, rich, poor healthy, sick: recognize that no one has it all regardless of health, wealth, power; No One, be it Bill Gates, Barak Obama, or the Queen of England.
I am working on my ego through increased meditation, yoga, the blog, serving others. I am working on finding a support system. Easy? Of course not! Worth it? Absolutely! Good luck to you. Bless you. May you reach the serenity towards which I am working, working enough so that I can say, yes, I am happy a major part of the time!
Get to it. Good luck.
